I have recently updated this reconciled letter with some more information I find interesting and helpful. The number one email I receive from people of all ages is usually, "How did you reconcile your spirituality with your sexuality". I wish the answer was an easy one! However, through much time, study, prayer and seeking, I found. The following is a letter I have written to many people over the years and I thought it would be beneficial to provide these answers to any who would ask this question. I hope you will read with open hearts and minds. Hello: First of all, I want you to know that I appreciate your willingness to listen and ask questions. As the bible says, "Ask and you shall receive". We receive not, because we ask not. I don't expect you to change your beliefs because of what I, or anyone else for that matter, says or believes. Your belief system, and your own spiritual journey is exactly that, YOUR spiritual journey. I will share my beliefs, and try to explain "why" I believe what I believe, and I hope you will consider my truth. If nothing else, I simply ask you to respect it :) I will try to cover some of my own experience of reconciling my sexuality with my spirituality. This requires a lot of thought and time, and depth. You can't tell someone how you've reconciled your sexuality with your faith in a few simple words. I wish you could!! It would make life SO much easier! See, I understand where those in opposition to homosexuality come from because I was once one of those people. I believed that the "Word" of God said something very clearly and tried to live my life accordingly. I was raised in the Pentecostal church. I also traveled with TRUTH, a Christian band in the Contemporary Christian Music Industry, and then with another Christian band that was about to be signed by a record label. Before being signed, I felt led to 'come out' to the group and tell them about this struggle I had kept secret for 22 years of my life because I felt I couldn't do it alone any longer and I needed 'help'. By this time, I knew I was "gay" and that this was my sexual orientation. I had been to every prayer circle, been anointed with oil, had hands laid on me, prayed for, prayed with, begged and pleaded God to "CHANGE ME". I even tried to be 'exercised'. I love God more than life itself...and I had always known God had a call for me in ministry, through song in particular. I was expected to be the next Steven Curtis Chapman. But, I remained ME, and thank God I did, because now I love who I am and it's the very person I am that has allowed me to learn what I have learned, search what I have searched, and become the man of God I have become. It's easy to believe what we believe when it's what we've been taught and told our entire life. But, when you have to actually SEARCH, and find your own belief system, based on your own truth and experience, it's an entire new ball game. You have to actually do your homework, and listen to that still small voice, and not have anyone else tell you 'their' truth. This is why we are here - to learn - and we learn through experience, and we experience through lessons, and we always come back to God giving thanks for those lessons learned. Unfortunately, the group kicked me out (actually kicked me off the bus after I told them), because they had no idea how to handle the situation. These guys were my brothers and yet they didn't want to hear my heart, my struggle, my pain, my questions, my longing to have someone simply understand and tell me I was going to be ok. They chose to judge, condemn, and throw stones. Hmmm...sound familiar? They reacted this way mostly out of fear. I quickly realized that I had to do something to help others who had gone through similar circumstances or who would face this same situation. I was saddened to realize that the one place we should feel the safest in coming out, with our friends, families, loved ones, and in particular our churches are perhaps the people we fear the most. Leaving the band was the best thing that happened to me, because it forced me to start searching who God was and is to me, and what my calling is, and it has opened amazing doors and God has been blessing me on the road in full time ministry now for 10 years since leaving the band. I took a year off to do my own spiritual growing and searching, not knowing if I would ever be "good enough" to minister for God again, but also knowing that I could no longer deny my sexuality. Well, God opened a door, and it's been an amazing roller coaster ride ever since, and it has been AWESOME! In my researching, the first thing I had to reconcile was that there are SO many versions and translations of the bible...we must ask ourselves after all of these translations, are any of them consistent with what the original Hebrew text even said? I was shocked to learn that the original manuscripts of the Bible have NEVER been found. Everything that was found were "copies" of manuscripts - hundreds of years old. They didn't have printing press in those days, so scribes would be hired to 'copy' manuscripts (letters found that we call 'the bible'). Many of the early scribes were uneducated people who would work for cheap and simply had to copy letter for letter on pages the entire bible. Can you imagine how exhausting this would be? There are literally pages of ancient manuscripts found that have notations in the footnotes by the scribes copying them writing words that were 'guessed' and phrases that were 'changed' because the scribes believed the ealier translators either made a mistake, used the wrong word, or simply didn't like the way the previous translator interpreted the scripture. These errors found aren't always intentional. In fact, most theologans believe these erros were due to a simply slip of the pen, an honest writing mishap, or perhaps confusion due to the lack of knowing 'how' the words were actually supposed to be used. The Bible, by many churches, is considered the inherrant word of God. Unfortunately, God didn't write the Bible. Man did. And as most of us know by living on this earth, no matter how inspired a man may be, he is full of imperfections. For instance, we see many contradictions in the bible. In Mark 14:12; 15:25, we read Mark say that Jesus was crucified the day after the Passover meal was eaten. Yet in John 19:14, Johan says Jesus died the day before it was eaten. Does this mean God is no longer God? No! It simply means translators perhaps misread what they copied, or the authors simply shared their own rememberances, which differed. This is only one of many instances where the bible shows 'man' is the author of this amazing book. We have made the bible "God" in many cases, in which case, it really becomes no different than a golden calf. We worship a book rather than our creator. Jesus came to remind us that our relationship with God is between us and God! It isn't between us and a book that is simply to help guide us on our journey. So, this is my first argument with people who believe homosexuality is a sin and use the bible to support it. I DO NOT believe the bible speaks against what we today call 'homosexuality'. The term 'homosexual' was not even derived until 1946. There was no medical or psychological term for what we call 'same sex orientation'. The term used in the bible was 'sodomite'. Recent translations of the bible have replaced the word 'sodomite' with the word 'homosexual', which is a HUGE mistake and misuse of the word. A sodomite was a temple prostitute, or a person who had sex as part of pagan worship to fertility gods. How you can compare that action to a loving, committed, consensual, loving homosexual today is beyond me. It's total misinterpretation. Not once, when the bible mentions what the 'church' has called homosexuality, which was actual 'sodomy', is it between two consensual adults (where it wasn't involving rape or abuse), or that it wasn't part of pagan worship. Once again, how do you compare any of these definitions to that of a LOVING, COMMITTED, HEALTHY homosexual relationship? I have met hundreds of homosexual couples who have been together for 50 or more years. Recently, it seems I meet more long-term gay couples than I do heterosexual. I could go through each scripture speaking on 'sodomy' (there are only 6 - and out of those only 2 in the New Testament). Once again, even in the New Testament, when what the 'church' today calls homosexuality is mentioned, it is VERY clear it is speaking on prostitution. I'd like to also point out that Jesus never evens mentions the issue, which in and of itself should cease this debate. If Jesus didn't feel the need to condemn loving partners, who can today? The only time Jesus touches on this issue is when he ministers to a eunich. People were surprised he ministered to the eunich because they were considered effeminate. Many scholars believe that a eunich, in fact, is what we would compare to a homosexual in today's culture rather than comparing a homosexual to a sodomite. "For there are some eunichs, which were so born from their mother's womb (gay/lesbian children); and there are some eunichs, which were made eunichs of men (transgendered/castrated persons); and there be eunichs, which have made themselves eunichs for the kingdom of heaven's sake (celebate men). He that is able to recieve it, let him recieve it." --- Matthew 19:12 A website covering many biblical concerns and questions surrounding this issue is www.truluck.com . It is an amazing resource. I have also recently found a book called "Misquoting Jesus" by Bart D. Ehrman. There are some other amazing books. My top recommendation is a book called "The Sins of Scripture" written by John Shelby Spong - an Episcopal Preist. These are all available in any Barnes & Noble, Borders, or major bookstore. Two others are called "The Good Book" and "Openly Gay, Openly Christian". I'm not sure of the authors off-hand, but if you GOOGLE either titles, I'm sure they will come up and you may try Amazon.com. Both of these books reveal the Hebrew text of the bible and support the issue of homosexuality, of which Theologans consider the LAST PREJUDICE of the church. The fact of the matter is that the bible has been used for centuries to oppress people. The bible was used to support slavery. It's a known fact that the Southern Baptist Church split from the original Baptist Church because they believed the Bible supported slavery. Women have been oppressed, and scripture has been the basis. The Bible was used to support that the earth was FLAT, and when Galileo came along and said the earth was ROUND, the 'church' wanted to kill him for blasphemy! Well, we all know the earth is round, and the church was 'wrong'. The 'church' has had to apologize many times for it's misinterpretation of scripture, and I believe and am seeing many denominations doing the same today. The gay community, is yet, another community that has been oppressed and cut off from the Body of Christ. When we decipher the difference between 'acts of sin' and the state of 'being', I think we make the first major distinction when it comes to this issue. Lying, cheating, stealing, adultery, etc, are all ACTS. Homosexuality is a state of BEING. For example, a heterosexual isn't only heterosexual when they are having sex. They simply ARE heterosexual. For so long, a homosexual act has been what constituted being a homosexual. This is simply not true. Your orientation is what it is whether you are sexually active or not. The acting out of your orientation on the otherhand is a choice, for anyone, gay or straight. This is where I have issues with people saying they have 'changed' their orientation. I believe those who have 'come out' of the homosexual lifestyle are still homosexuals. They simply have chosen a path where they don't act on their orientation. In my opinion this is living a lie and I don't encourage anyone to do so mainly because I've seen so much destruction and turmoil, and ultimately suicides as a result. However, for some, if they simply can not reconcile being gay, and the only way they feel they can be at peace or feel that they are in God's will is to get married, have a family, be celibate, etc, then I support that. This doesn't mean that their orientation has altered. They simply are 'homosexuals' living straight or celibate lives. For some people, I believe they may be capable of being emotionally and sexually fulfilled with either sex (bi-sexuality). If someone is bi-sexual, they can't say they have 'come out' of homosexuality. They simply have the ability to be compatible with either sex. If someone is bi-sexual, it is a much easier road if they choose to be with the opposite sex and not have to deal with the issues they would if they were in a homosexual relationship. Because of this, I think most bi-sexual people tend to be in heterosexual relationships. I know I would. However, for me, my homosexuality is no different than my race. I know this hasn't been 100% scientifically proven, but I believe there will come a day where we will discover this. Many views on homosexuality are based on the 'act'. However, homosexuality is SO much more than 'sex'. deMarco's and my relationship is one of the healthiest, loving, nurturing, blessed relationships I have ever known. As singers, we are constantly reminded in our concerts that GOD IS THERE, and that the anointing is FLOWING full force. I guess, if nothing else, this is the very thing that has sealed the deal for me, in knowing who I am and knowing that this is God's plan and will for my life. You can not experience the Spirit of God the way you do through our music and God not be in the midst of it all. You also can't visit the thousands of gay affirming churches around this country, and feel the awesome presence of God, and not know GOD IS HERE. Do you know why God is in our midst? Because we have had to learn UNCONDITIONAL love. We have had to stop judging others, condemning others, thinking we know where everyone else SHOULD be or what the truth is with a capital "T". Christ came to teach us LOVE for ALL, particularly the oppressed. Christ came to teach us COMPASSION for ALL, and FORGIVENESS for ALL. These gay friendly churches, and gay congregants experience the presence of God, because they have come to know the UNCONDITIONAL love of God, and where there is LOVE, there is GOD, for GOD IS LOVE. I believe two people have the right to commit their lives to one another in spite of what gender they are. I do believe church and state should be separate. In this, I believe all people in this country should be granted civil unions, and then have the option to go to their church to have a marriage ceremony. If a church doesn't want to afficiate a gay wedding, they have every right not to. However, our government has no right to deny two people from having the same rights as any other citizen of this country. I believe a marriage is a covenant two people make before God. They commit their lives to one another; to love, to cherish and to protect one another. A covenant between two people has nothing to do with gender. Churches, of all denominations, are once again, having to look at what they have 'thought' scripture says on this issue, how they have abused and misused God's "WORD" to oppress an entire community of people, that are totally innocent in who they are, what they feel, and whom they love. We are now singing in Methodist, Lutheran, Presbyterian, Episcople, Non-Denominational churches all over the country, that are "reconciled" and have come to their own theological conclusion and realization, and believe people are exactly who they were created to be, and are blessed by God, and are not sick or in sin. It's happening all over the world, and I truly believe within time, our kids will look at the way gays were treated by society and the 'church' in particular, and be shocked! It will be the same way I can't believe African Americans couldn't drink from the same water fountain as a white person, or couldn't go to the same school as my parents! I can't believe that happened just years ago, and I believe the future generations are going to look at this issue, and feel the same thing. I believe the gay community is here to usher in a new movement of reminding people of God's unconditional love, and we know, because we have had to go through hell to find it, because of what OTHERS have told us, and what OTHERS have believed. Only you can decide for yourself what you believe. That's the gift of life. We don't have to agree. We can agree to disagree, but do so in LOVE and COMPASSION. As deMarco and I travel and share our story and song, we make this VERY clear. We have to stop the hate. We have to stop the judgement and condemnation. We have to stop the KILLING. When will we 'do unto others as we would have them do unto us"? When will we LOVE our neighbors as ourselves, with no 'if's'. It doesn't say, "love they neighbor as thyself if they are straight? if they are white? if they are a man? if they are pretty? if they are talented?". It says, LOVE period. And PRAY. Pray that God reveals Himself to all of us on our journey, but first and foremost, pray that God reveals Himself to YOU, on your journey, that you may know His truth, and always come back to LOVE in the end. Our world will be a much better place. Some may ask how we can stand up and do what we do? Our answer is simple. Week after week, we see people who have been hurt by the church, hurt by others, and who have hated themselves for most of their life, feel God for possibly the first time in years, experience healing and are empowered to go forth, knowing that GOD LOVES THEM just as they are, and will be there for them on their journey. Whatever path they decide to take (living a celebate life, living a healthy homosexual life, living a married life to a woman in honesty about their sexuality and having a woman who is willing to work with them and love them through it), we support their path and journey. However, people need to know that they are not worthless and that they're here on this earth for a beautiful purpose, and have been given the precious gift of life. People are killing themselves every 40 seconds because they feel their life is worthless. Teenage suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death among 15-24 year olds, and out of those kids, those questioning their sexuality are 5 TIMES more likely to attempt suicide then their heterosexual peers. The church doesn't want to deal with this. They don't even want to act as though it exists. They don't offer programs. If a kid goes to his youth pastor, they are looked at as possessed, disgusting, not 'good enough' to be used by God. It's easy for the 'church' to say what they believe, but are they willing to help people 'deal' with the issue in a healthy way, not telling them they need to change or be 'delivered', but loving them enough to allow them to search and find their truth in a healthy, safe space, of love and compassion, and understanding. Well, deMarco and I hope to provide that space for thousands, and we believe it's our call to do so. Door after door keeps opening for us, and God is in the center of it all. Just listen to our cd "songs for the spirit" and then ask me how we know God has blessed us, and our relationship, and how we know this isn't a sin? The Spirit of God is so present in that cd that people have literally said they see a mist when listening at times. This is how the world will know. It won't be through long emails trying to justify or educate people, it won't be through debates or long lectures, it will be through simply LIVING our life, singing our songs, and allowing God to do what God does best. It is the fruit of our Spirits, of our life, that people will know us, through joy, peace, compassion, harmony, and most of all, they will know us by our LOVE. I always thank people for their questions. We are all on a search. I'm sure there is a reason why God has placed this issue on your heart. Nothing happens by mistake :) Maybe you are about to face a situation where someone you know and love is dealing with this issue, and trust me, when it hits you close at home, you will have an entire new way of having to look at things. Its easy to tell another how you think they 'should' live and believe, but when you have walked in their shoes, you see things from a much different perspective. Perhaps you are going through this issue yourself and are beginning your journey of reconciliation. I encourage you to just choose to love in every instance, as Christ came to show us, and let God deal with the hearts of others. And more than anything, pray that THY WILL BE DONE. The following are the (few) scriptures in the bible. What does the bible say about homosexuality? Old Testament: 1. Genesis 1-2 - The Creation Story - Adam and Eve (not Adam and Steve) - pretty weak argument considering the natural way for procreation had to be male and female. 2. Genesis 19:1-9 - Sodom and Gomorrah (Ezekiel 16:46-56 & Judges 19 - Parallel Passages relating Sodom and Gomorrah to the people's inhospitality - not 'homosexuality') 3. Leviticus 18:22 - The Holiness Code - no one adheres to anymore 4. Leviticus 20:13 - The Holiness Code - no one adheres to anymore New Testament: 5. Romans 1:26-27 - Regarded as the most signicant - however - these were NOT homosexual persons - they were straight men and woman having sex with each other, orgies, same sex - it was being done as part of pagan worship. 6. 1 Corinthians 6:9 - Pauline list of vices - never specifically mentions it - but refers to sexual perversion - which of course people sadly assume homosexuality is all about. Once again, not once is the word 'homosexual' mentioned in the bible - the actual word didn't exists in those times - it wasn't derived until 1946. Any time an act of 'sodomy' is recorded, it involves abuse, rape, or pagan worship. I ask you, how do you compare that to a healthy, committed, monogamous, loving, nurturing relationship. I believe you can't. Because most people's view of homosexuality is based on scripture, I encourage you to look at those scriptures much deeper, particularly in their original Hebrew context. Some websites to look at are: www.truluck.com - This site really goes into each of these scriptures, and what theologians believe was actually being discussed, during that culture, at that time. www.ufmcc.com - This was the first church denomination to accept and affirm gays and lesbians. They cover a lot of the biblical issues as well. www.gaychurch.org - This is a site listing ALL affirming and reconciling churches in the country of ALL denominations. The churches are listed by State and City. www.teach-ministries.org - This is the story of a mother's journey for parents out there. www.thetrevorproject.org - This is a site devoted to questioning youth and young adults - it is also a 24/7 365 days-a-year suicide hotline for questioning youth. www.matthewshepard.org - This is a site telling the story of a hate crime and offering several resources to, both, individuals and families dealing with the issue of sexuality and society. www.gaychristian.net - This is an interactive site where you can chat with and meet other gay Christians dealing with this issue and meeting others to confide and rely on. Regardless of our differences, and our beliefs, we are all brothers and sisters, and I pray we all learn from this, and pray for each other on our paths. Love, Jason